A Loving Perspective

I left my first marriage nearly broken, body and spirit. In front of the marriage counselor my then-husband said he had only married me to have hot meals and a warm bed. He added, almost proudly, that he had lied to me from day one. He also said that he did not find me attractive. His words were daggers to my heart. 

I fled to my brother's house. Next morning as I had breakfast with Gary, I told him I was going to file for divorce, there was nothing left to save. All the while my husband's words echoed in my mind. After Gary left for work, I quietly took a shower, trying not to wake my still-sleeping sister-in-law JoAnne. 

Afterwards, I saw my reflection clearly in the mirror, and began to cry. My hair was dull, my skin pale, my eyes bloodshot and puffy, and the corners of my mouth drooped.  JoAnne knocked gently on the door, asking if she could come in. "Look at me," I sobbed, "who could find this face lovable?"

JoAnne put her hands on my shoulders. "Close your eyes and just listen. Do you know what I see in the mirror?"

I shook my head no.

"I see a brave woman who had enough courage to leave a bad situation. I see a wonderful mother, who loves her daughter more than herself. I love how you love Gary, and how good you are to your folks. I love how your face lights up when you tell a story or hug someone. You are beautiful. Now take another look in the mirror."

I felt the truth of her love as she spoke. When I opened my eyes I was amazed. I saw shining eyes, smiling lips, and cheeks with a hint of rose. I saw the lovely woman I had thought lost. Thanks to my loving sister-in-law, I took a step towards healing my Self-perception.

Tip of the Week

When you find yourself self-critical, here is one way to see yourself differently in life's mirror. Close your eyes and recall something you did out of kindness or compassion. Think of something you did to honor a promise you made. Think of how you made someone laugh, or held a door for someone, or let another driver have that perfect parking spot. Now open your eyes and look again. Can you now see your loveliness shining back?