My inspirational blog, "LovingSoulsPathway;" (Jan. 2010-Aug. 2015) has literally disappeared. Yes, I had been advised to write each post as a Word document, then copy and paste into my blog, but I was not worried. I never considered that the blog host would sell-out and the "free" blogs would be erased! A very special creative door has closed, and with it prayers and stories I wrote about my parents' final years, my prayer gifts to them, memorial tributes, and my grieving and healing steps. The sheer realization that I cannot read these entries again feels as if I have lost my mother and father for a second time.
What's a broken-hearted woman like me to do?
Pray, until I get to my gratitude.
Oh God, I pray with an aching heart
I heaped so much me into those writings
Each connected me to loving memories
Helping me stay close to Mom and Dad
No why to be answered, no do-over offer
God help me, I hear that door slam shut
Oh God, you know my heart's intentions
I "know" that no love is ever deleted
Each offering exists in the cosmic sea
Where creativity, visions, and love live-on
But honestly, I just want them back again
God please listen, I can't yet let them go
Oh God, I can feel your tender smile
I hear you say, "I gave you a new door"
Each ending truly begets a beginning
Support abounds for closings and openings
Such loving beings have rallied round
God thank you, I am opening my "next" now
Friday, November 6, 2015
Monday, September 21, 2015
A Morning Choice
Be grateful that you live! Make the choice each morning to appreciate that you are alive for purpose.
Not easy to feel gratitude when you are in pain (whether physical, emotional, or mental) or worn out from your challenges. Hard to start fresh when the previous day's events are still spinning in your head.
Remember drawing with an Etch-a-Sketch? Simply shaking it erased what you drew! Consider all the worries and concerns you mull over as you sleep. Julie Cameron's Morning Pages (as suggested in her book "The Artist's Way" on unblocking creativity) became my morning Etch-a-Sketch so I could choose to write-out my worries and then let them go.
Here is a how-to summary, as I recall from Ms. Cameron's book:
(1) Write first this before you do anything. Before you talk to anyone, check your cellphone or Facebook, or turn on the news.
(2) Write a page and a half (front-back-front) in a spiral notebook, whatever comes to mind. No judgement or critique, just let it flow.
(3) Do not reread any entry until you have done this daily for 12 weeks, long enough to have MPs become a habit of choice, and to reap the benefits of starting each day with a clean slate.
I see Ms. Cameron's Morning Pages "reawakening creativity" tool as more than a mental core dump. With practice it becomes a wonderful Self-honoring. Doing MPs can free you from reliving yesterday, so you can be fully present to today's potential.
Not easy to feel gratitude when you are in pain (whether physical, emotional, or mental) or worn out from your challenges. Hard to start fresh when the previous day's events are still spinning in your head.
Remember drawing with an Etch-a-Sketch? Simply shaking it erased what you drew! Consider all the worries and concerns you mull over as you sleep. Julie Cameron's Morning Pages (as suggested in her book "The Artist's Way" on unblocking creativity) became my morning Etch-a-Sketch so I could choose to write-out my worries and then let them go.
Here is a how-to summary, as I recall from Ms. Cameron's book:
(1) Write first this before you do anything. Before you talk to anyone, check your cellphone or Facebook, or turn on the news.
(2) Write a page and a half (front-back-front) in a spiral notebook, whatever comes to mind. No judgement or critique, just let it flow.
(3) Do not reread any entry until you have done this daily for 12 weeks, long enough to have MPs become a habit of choice, and to reap the benefits of starting each day with a clean slate.
I see Ms. Cameron's Morning Pages "reawakening creativity" tool as more than a mental core dump. With practice it becomes a wonderful Self-honoring. Doing MPs can free you from reliving yesterday, so you can be fully present to today's potential.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
A Loving Perspective
I left my first marriage nearly broken, body and spirit. In front of the marriage counselor my then-husband said he had only married me to have hot meals and a warm bed. He added, almost proudly, that he had lied to me from day one. He also said that he did not find me attractive. His words were daggers to my heart.
I fled to my brother's house. Next morning as I had breakfast with Gary, I told him I was going to file for divorce, there was nothing left to save. All the while my husband's words echoed in my mind. After Gary left for work, I quietly took a shower, trying not to wake my still-sleeping sister-in-law JoAnne.
Afterwards, I saw my reflection clearly in the mirror, and began to cry. My hair was dull, my skin pale, my eyes bloodshot and puffy, and the corners of my mouth drooped. JoAnne knocked gently on the door, asking if she could come in. "Look at me," I sobbed, "who could find this face lovable?"
JoAnne put her hands on my shoulders. "Close your eyes and just listen. Do you know what I see in the mirror?"
I shook my head no.
"I see a brave woman who had enough courage to leave a bad situation. I see a wonderful mother, who loves her daughter more than herself. I love how you love Gary, and how good you are to your folks. I love how your face lights up when you tell a story or hug someone. You are beautiful. Now take another look in the mirror."
I felt the truth of her love as she spoke. When I opened my eyes I was amazed. I saw shining eyes, smiling lips, and cheeks with a hint of rose. I saw the lovely woman I had thought lost. Thanks to my loving sister-in-law, I took a step towards healing my Self-perception.
When you find yourself self-critical, here is one way to see yourself differently in life's mirror. Close your eyes and recall something you did out of kindness or compassion. Think of something you did to honor a promise you made. Think of how you made someone laugh, or held a door for someone, or let another driver have that perfect parking spot. Now open your eyes and look again. Can you now see your loveliness shining back?
I fled to my brother's house. Next morning as I had breakfast with Gary, I told him I was going to file for divorce, there was nothing left to save. All the while my husband's words echoed in my mind. After Gary left for work, I quietly took a shower, trying not to wake my still-sleeping sister-in-law JoAnne.
Afterwards, I saw my reflection clearly in the mirror, and began to cry. My hair was dull, my skin pale, my eyes bloodshot and puffy, and the corners of my mouth drooped. JoAnne knocked gently on the door, asking if she could come in. "Look at me," I sobbed, "who could find this face lovable?"
JoAnne put her hands on my shoulders. "Close your eyes and just listen. Do you know what I see in the mirror?"
I shook my head no.
"I see a brave woman who had enough courage to leave a bad situation. I see a wonderful mother, who loves her daughter more than herself. I love how you love Gary, and how good you are to your folks. I love how your face lights up when you tell a story or hug someone. You are beautiful. Now take another look in the mirror."
I felt the truth of her love as she spoke. When I opened my eyes I was amazed. I saw shining eyes, smiling lips, and cheeks with a hint of rose. I saw the lovely woman I had thought lost. Thanks to my loving sister-in-law, I took a step towards healing my Self-perception.
Tip of the Week
When you find yourself self-critical, here is one way to see yourself differently in life's mirror. Close your eyes and recall something you did out of kindness or compassion. Think of something you did to honor a promise you made. Think of how you made someone laugh, or held a door for someone, or let another driver have that perfect parking spot. Now open your eyes and look again. Can you now see your loveliness shining back?
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